TomJou
Total Posts: 2
Joined: Oct 2011
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recently discovered my girlfriend is suffering from an ED and as i love her i obviously want to help her to get out of it
BUT
im having a lot of problems knowing where to draw the line:
- I want to at the same time help her, persuade her and stop her from goin down the endless path of destruction that EDs are
- I love her and as the only person that she confides in I cant have her turn from me
its a conflict because on the one hand i need her to stop because I know that wat she is doing is wrong, but I also can't be too tough or be too insistent or shel just stop talkin to me about it and eventualy thatl split us up.
its proper stressful because when the topic comes up i can feel it put a downer on the mood and we both get serious and unhappy and as much as i know this is important and as much as i find it very important to talk about it - i also dont want to talk about it all the time because it makes her unhappy and it makes me unhappy too (because at the end of the day the discussions go in circles, trapped by all the diferent walls shes built up around herself wen it comes to food etc.)
SO WHERE DO I DRAW THE LINE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Posted on October 29, 2011 at 1:08 AM
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James
Total Posts: 2
Joined: Mar 2012
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re: Carer or Ally?
Hi Tom,
My partner was recently diagnosed with an ED, everyone knew it was coming and it can be extremely frustrating and testing on everyone around. Especially on a relationship level.
I am sorry to say that there are no set rules on how to find a common balance when it comes to this. My partner and I battled constantly for over a year before we seeked professional help. Has your girlfriend seen anyone in the profession? If not, I can only strongly advise you try to point her in that direction.
As I said, we would constantly be arguing over little things, not just meals and food but also energy levels and intimacy. All of which an ED can control. After a while my partner took the first step and went to her GP. Instantly that became a lot lighter on the relationship. He gave her guidelines and really showed her the effects it can have. It is very easy to chalk up moods and personal attacks as a troubled relationship and emotions towards yourself personally, however this is not the case. These disorders are a minefield for a carer to walk through, all you need to do is assure your partner and yourself that no matter what happens, you will always get back up and keep walking the line.
After some great specialist advice (for the both of us) we know how to deal with these spurts of frustration and now, if she does act irrational she will come back and appologise to me - Just be sure to assure her your knowledge that it is personal and that you know she doesn't mean it. It's not easy and it won't be for a while but if you are willing to help and see her make a full recovery then you must be very open towards it, take on board what she says and how she acts and judge each moment as a different occasion.
You clearly care for her as you have arrived to this forum and there are a number of ideas and suggestions for you (as a carer) to do to help you through.
Hang in there. Think of the good times to come when you can look back at this and feel emotionally and physically stronger - together.
Try not to let this break you up, let it bring you together.
Hope it helps,
James
Posted on March 23, 2012 at 2:01 PM
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